The greatest joys and accomplishments of my life!
It was sixteen years ago today that I told my husband goodbye as he left for what was supposed to be a four-day fishing trip with some clients. Over twenty-four hours later, I learned I was a widow, had lost my father in law at the same time, and had no body to recover and bury.
I can't even verbalize what my life was like for the next nine or ten years. From the initial shock of losing my husband and his father to finally waking up one day a decade or so later and realizing I had made it through an unusually long dark period (and usually appearing as though I had it all together) ... well, I'm still amazed at the grace of God. I've had to go through so much healing and soul searching and forgiveness, primarily of myself.
Yes, I'll always have loss issues. One learns to deal with them, though.
It's hard to believe I was once a married woman. It was more than a lifetime ago, and I truly cannot recall what life was like when that was one of my roles. On Sunday, I went down a road I hadn't been down since a few months prior to my husband's death. We had taken the boys for a picnic, and driving back down this road--which was pure happenstance-- brought back some vivid memories.
I realize I have lived a good portion of my life on autopilot during these sixteen years. In the midst of past chaos, fulfilling jobs, and volunteer leadership, I have raised two fine young men. Again, this was done only by the grace of God (and I do mean this literally).
I read the following quote today: Though we cannot go back and make a brand new start, we can always begin today and make a brand new ending.
Here's the email I sent my sons this morning. It pretty much says it all:
Dear Jamie and Rhett,
Today marks 16 years since your dad and Pop were killed. In many ways it seems like another lifetime ago. I am grateful for the brief life we had together and for the two wonderful sons we brought into this world. I am sorry that I was so emotionally wrung out for what I now realize was years. I am thankful that God brought me through all that. I love you both very much, and I know your dad would be very proud of his sons!
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
A Day of Reflection
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5 comments:
Amy, This is such a beautiful and heartfelt post. I can't believe that it's been 16 years. You have done an amazing job raising your two wonderful, handsome boys. You have done alone, what most of us have done with a partner. It must give you an enormous amount of pride to know you did it so well.
Thank you for sharing. I love your blog!
Love,
Margaret
What a wonderful post. You are an amazing mom and I am sure you were an excellent wife. I am sorry you experienced such a tragic loss all those years ago, but reading about your boys is a tribute to your parenting and the time they did have with their dad.
Praying for your son in Iraq.
Toni
What beautiful post. And the email to your sons is lovely. I applaud your strength and courage through this and know you've done a wonderful job with your boys.
You are a remarkably strong woman, Amy. What wonderful stories you tell, even through your tears and sadness. Your sons are sooooo blessed to have you as their mom. I look forward to meeting you and becoming your friend - in a new way, on a new level.
You are a strong, amazing woman. You've raised two wonderful young men. I can't imagine what all you went through, but I can see you came out stronger at the other end. You should be so proud.
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