Epitaph of a Blog

In the past week, I have explored caverns in Texas, read the wonderful book The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, and played with my granddaughter. My mind continues to spin with things I plan to write about.

But, alas, all good things must come to an end.

I have written on this little piece of cyberspace for nearly three years ... and I have decided to retire this blog.

I am--without a doubt-- in the biggest soul-searching era of my life. Posting certain thoughts on this blog has helped me navigate this position, but I feel as though my blog has lost its purpose (if it ever really had one), and my job prevents me from wanting to look at a computer after normal working hours. I need to read more books, watch more movies, and ponder my next steps.

I do have two new potential blogs I'm contemplating, but I won't start one until I'm certain the timing is right.

I will one day sit down with a good cup of coffee and read through my years of posting. I'll delete some things and will let the rest remain as an archive of sorts for my family. I'll continue to read some of my favorite blogs, but I probably won't post comments.

Many of my friends are trying to get me to create a Facebook profile. No, thank you. I just want to fly under the radar and keep my thoughts (and opinions) to myself.

Thanks for stopping by. If you have a lot of time on our hands and want to read through nearly thirty-six months of blog posts, be my guest. I don't have that kind of time, but I will give this blog one more lookover some time soon.

Thank you for joining me on this adventure. If and when I begin a new blog, I'll post a notice here.

My best to all of you,
Amy

Three Things I Learned Over the Weekend ...

We learn something new everyday ... right?

Over the weekend, I learned three new things. Actually, these are things I already knew, but hey were just confirmed in big ways.

Lesson #1: I have reached the point in my life where I honestly don't care how I look sometimes in a public place (emphasis on sometimes).

Take Saturday, for example. I got an overdue massage, grabbed a hummus wrap as I left the health center, and ate it on my way to Target. Arriving at Target, I realized I wore no makeup, was a greasy mess (from the various massage oils), and had carrots and some green veggies wedged between my front teeth. I did the best I could with my fingernails, but they don't work like dental floss or a toothbrush.

"Oh, well," I said out loud to no one and headed in the store, where I did, indeed, see people I know.

Oh, well, indeed.

Lesson #2: Teens can be both smart and stupid.

Case in point: I addressed a Facebook issue with Rhett regarding some photos featuring him and his buddies (all friends since elementary school) surrounded by various types of alcohol. I launched into one of my speeches about how I know teens are going to drink, but to please not abuse alcohol and please don't get in the car with anyone who has been drinking. Then I lectured him about potential employers seeing such photos.

"Oh, sorry, that some stuffy shirt CEO might see me. Who cares? I don't want some stifling executive job anyway."

Yes, that's a 3.9 GPA student speaking.

Lesson #3: God is embarrassed by children who talk during church services. I repeat: God is embarrassed by children who talk during church services.

So said the lady coming out of mass ahead of me yesterday. She was babbling on and on to a much older woman about how "God must be so embarrassed when children talk during church. You know he is!"

Let's face it: Children get bored at church. I see many parents feeding their kids goldfish or allowing them to color in coloring books to stay quiet.

I even leaned over to my son a few times during mass and mentioned some completely random things, but I also sincerely prayed, sang, and took Communion with a humble and grateful heart. Did I embarrass God?

My guess is that He understood those children ... and me, too.

The things we learn ...

A Day of Reflection

The greatest joys and accomplishments of my life!

It was sixteen years ago today that I told my husband goodbye as he left for what was supposed to be a four-day fishing trip with some clients. Over twenty-four hours later, I learned I was a widow, had lost my father in law at the same time, and had no body to recover and bury.

I can't even verbalize what my life was like for the next nine or ten years. From the initial shock of losing my husband and his father to finally waking up one day a decade or so later and realizing I had made it through an unusually long dark period (and usually appearing as though I had it all together) ... well, I'm still amazed at the grace of God. I've had to go through so much healing and soul searching and forgiveness, primarily of myself.

Yes, I'll always have loss issues. One learns to deal with them, though.

It's hard to believe I was once a married woman. It was more than a lifetime ago, and I truly cannot recall what life was like when that was one of my roles. On Sunday, I went down a road I hadn't been down since a few months prior to my husband's death. We had taken the boys for a picnic, and driving back down this road--which was pure happenstance-- brought back some vivid memories.

I realize I have lived a good portion of my life on autopilot during these sixteen years. In the midst of past chaos, fulfilling jobs, and volunteer leadership, I have raised two fine young men. Again, this was done only by the grace of God (and I do mean this literally).

I read the following quote today: Though we cannot go back and make a brand new start, we can always begin today and make a brand new ending.

Here's the email I sent my sons this morning. It pretty much says it all:

Dear Jamie and Rhett,

Today marks 16 years since your dad and Pop were killed. In many ways it seems like another lifetime ago. I am grateful for the brief life we had together and for the two wonderful sons we brought into this world. I am sorry that I was so emotionally wrung out for what I now realize was years. I am thankful that God brought me through all that. I love you both very much, and I know your dad would be very proud of his sons!

Love,
Mom

The Hair Report

This is not a poster for Fright Night!


Rhett's hair is growing. A lot.

As many of you know, he's growing his hair in honor of--ahem-- his deployed brother. He says he'll cut his hair when Jamie is back from Iraq ... and next month's R and R break for Jamie doesn't count.

What happened to my clean cut boy?

Well, he does turn 20 in November, but he's still on my payroll, so to speak, and mom here is putting him through college. He's a man now, no longer a baby or a boy; and if mom here doesn't get into the longer hair ... oh, well ...

He asked yesterday if he could borrow one of my hair bands to keep his hair back while he's at the beach. I raised boys, so I'm not accustomed to their asking to borrow my accessories.

What can I say, though? He's probably going to end up with nearly a 3.9 GPA for this year. He has a great babysitting gig this summer for one of the program directors at his university. He's studying abroad next year. He keeps up with world events; and just yesterday he was complaining about how all the world knows who Susan Boyle is, but few know who was just elected as president of South Africa (Jacob Zuma, FYI). He has a humanitarian heart.

What can I say?

I'm proud of him ... messy hair and all.

Where Am I?

Another glass masterpiece by Dale Chihuly
Originally uploaded by CptCapacitor on flickr.com



Good question! I often don't know where I am ... especially these days.

There isn't much creativity being channeled (particularly in writing on this site), due to much time and energy spent here. Check out this site, and if you're in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia, please come visit.


www.artofglass2.com


Out to lunch ... and dinner .... and then some. I'll be back soon.

Easter 2009: The Memories, the Joy, the Hope

Okay, so I took the above photo at Christmas, but it does show the reason for Easter ... and it's not the Bunny!

What an absolutely beautiful day this Easter has been!

A rainy Saturday turned into a cloudless Easter Sunday, one that was filled with joy, memories, and--most importantly-- hope.

The memories:
* Walking through my small hometown in the early morning hours with the Moravian Church band playing Easter songs
* Eating breakfast a 5:30 a.m. on Easter morning, prepared by church folks, and attending the sunrise service
* Singing "Jesus Christ Has Risen Today" with joyous enthusiasm
* Dying eggs with my mother
* Dying eggs with my sons
* Hanging colorful plastic eggs on a tree in our yard
* Walking among the tombstones of loved ones and mentors who've passed to the next life and believing there is another life.
* Coming into the Catholic Church at age 36 during the Easter Vigil (when my older son made his First Communion)
* Savoring the rebirth of leaves and annuals and remembering there is the promise of new life in Easter


The joys:
* Attending mass with my younger son
* Being filled with nourishment as I partook of what I believe is the Body and Blood of Christ
* The Easter lilies, the bright yellow fabrics, and the flowing waters that welcomed me into the worship space at church today
* Singing "Jesus Christ is Risen Today" with joyous enthusiasm
* Sitting by the water right off the Chesapeake Bay having a fine meal and conversation with a small group of loved ones
* Hearing my granddaughter squeal with delight on the phone as she toted her Easter basket around the house
* Learning from my daughter in law that the church she attended today offered free brunch for families of deployed military personnel (I love military supporters, especially churches!)


The hope:
* Eternal life
* Seeing loved ones again after this life ends
* That I'm worthy in spite of my lack of faith and the wrongs I've committed
* The belief that there's so much more than this life, but acknowledging that this life counts
* That my son in Iraq was able to fully enjoy the mystery and promise of the day


And with the passing of another Lent, I had a slice of pizza last night. It was good, but I wasn't overly thrilled. I had one slice, skipped my roll at lunch today, and am devoting more money towards the food pantry at church (that feeds people who really have little or nothing to eat).

You Tube? Yes, I watched a couple of things this evening, but I don't care about that anymore either.

I'm joyful, I'm grateful, and ... I'm hopeful.

How to REALLY Party!